Breaking the Shame Spiral

At Vero Strength, we love giving shout-outs. Our trainers share client wins in a Slack channel. Once a month, we highlight someone and share milestones and wins in our newsletter - and we mean every one of them.

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But for every shout-out we share, there are many more people quietly struggling.

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Each week, I personally reach out to up to 50 members who’ve gone missing from the gym. No classes booked. No check-ins. Often, no reply to “Hey, everything okay?”

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And the reason most people don’t come back after my nudging isn’t laziness or lack of discipline. Many times, it’s shame.

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It usually begins innocently:

A vacation.
A busy stretch at work.
An illness.
A stressful life event.
A few missed workouts.

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Routines get disrupted. Strength feels like it's been reversed. Conditioning drops. Clothes may fit differently.

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Then the internal dialogue shows up:

• “I’ll go back when I’m more consistent.”
• “Everyone’s going to notice how out of shape I am.”
• “They’ll ask where I’ve been.”

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So people wait. And waiting makes the shame louder.

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Here’s the truth that’s hard to see when you’re stuck: people aren’t thinking what you think they are.

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Your trainers aren’t judging you.
Your gym pals aren’t keeping score.
And when someone asks, “Haven’t seen you in a bit?”—it’s not an interrogation. It’s care.

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Shame feels real—but feelings aren’t facts. You might feel like you don’t belong. The truth is, you belong most when things feel hard.

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You might feel like you should be further along. The truth is, there’s no finish line you’re late to.

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You might feel like you need to get back in shape before you return. The truth is, coming back is how that happens.

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When someone walks back in after time away, our first thought isn’t, “Where have you been?” It’s, “I’m really glad you’re here.”

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No explanations required. No apologies needed.

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If this feels familiar, know this:

You’re not weak. You’re human.

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The hardest part isn’t the workout—it’s walking back through the door when confidence feels shaky.

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So come back imperfect. Come back slower. Come back unsure.

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Just come back. We’re here to help.